I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
