i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
