stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
this is an emotional support booty call
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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