are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
