Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
