..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
