You smell like stripper and shame
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
