im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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