Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
