Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
