That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
