It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
