Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
