What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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