He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
