you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
