Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
