I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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