I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
