I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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