he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
