I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
