Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
