i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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