I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
