come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
