How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
