Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
