i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
