The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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