My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
