so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
