Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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