i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
