She is in my trunk
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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