operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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