Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
