maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
