What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
