I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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