I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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