your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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