WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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