Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
