Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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