Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
