____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
