Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
