there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
