I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i think my mom watched the whole time
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
