Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
