Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
soo... how was my night?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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