That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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