I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
