I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
