I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
