It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
